I didn’t write about my run yesterday because it was so bad and I was ashamed. I felt like a failure, poopy nugget, incapable of succeeding at anything and too discouraged to admit my shortcomings right then.
My run started out ok..I ran 8 minutes without stopping and then walked for about five, following the week 5 day 2. When I set out to run the second set of 8 min. I immediately felt burned out and couldn’t do it!
I had also been feeling pretty emotional all day, and there is just something about not being in a very good mindset that makes it so much harder to run. During the last 8 minutes of my walk/run, when I was struggling to find every last bit of energy in my body, I flashed back to when I was in high school and would go running almost every weekday with my dad.
We would agree on it the night before: “I’m going to the gym tomorrow, wanna come?” he’d ask. “Yeah! Just wake me up when it’s time to get ready”, I’d reply. And the next morning, he would come get me at 5:00 or so, I’d stagger into my workout clothes, and slowly wake up in the passenger seat on the way to the gym. We were sometimes the very first people there, walking in as soon as the doors opened and heading straight to “our” treadmills. And then we would run, side by side. We never really talked while we ran (we were too busy huffing and puffing) but it was nice to know we were there for each other.
And I missed that…so badly…and between that thought and all the negative thoughts about how poorly I was doing and how much I was failing, I began to sob on the treadmill. I mean, I was ugly crying. I left feeling sad and defeated.
Today, as I reflected on my run yesterday, I reminded myself that every day I go to the gym is something to be proud of. I didn’t know if I’d have time to go today, after working 8 hours, meeting a friend for coffee, having dinner when I got home, waiting for it to settle, etc…plus knowing I have an early morning tomorrow, as well.
I was really encouraged, though by my friend, who runs a lot and admitted to me her own mental blocks when it comes to running and shared a bit of her perspective with me. I felt so refreshed and motivated by our conversation, that I just had to go running tonight no matter what.
And I’m glad I did. I ran a mile without stopping! Granted, it was a really slow pace, but for me, it was an accomplishment. I pushed myself, having set a goal of running for ten minutes without stopping, I ended up running 12:30-something because I was so close to completing a mile that I couldn’t just stop at 10 minutes! So I’ve past my mental block-I know I can run a mile, at least without stopping, and am just gonna keep on working my way up to 1.25, 1.5, 1.75, 2…