Posted in diet, Health, Weight Loss

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Dear Diary,

It’s been a while since I last wrote….and that’s because I’ve been ashamed.

Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone. I splurged and have not stopped splurging since then. So I’ve avoided you, and the scale, and everything that made me think of how much progress I have lost. But now, it’s time to fess up.

I would probably still be in denial if it hadn’t been for the incident with my jeans the other day…

Anyways…I messed up and I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to get back on track. I’m back at square one and I think I might need professional help at this point.

How does one determine whether or not to seek professional help? And what would they say if I consulted them? “Eat more veggies, fewer sweets. Drink more water. Exercise three times a week.” All the things I have been told my entire life. All the things I know already. And all of these things I loathe.

I actually don’t loathe veggies, really. But I also don’t loathe sweets. And exercise? Who has time? Who has the motivation? Who has the will-power?

Ugh. So simple, yet so difficult. Because I’ve tried those things before and have seen only minor changes over a very long period of time. Is it this difficult for everyone?

I don’t want to be one of those people that is constantly making excuses for myself, and all of a sudden, wind up on an episode of “My 600 lb life”. I always think “that will never be me”… but what if it were?

In trying to self-assess my mental state when it comes to food and weight loss, I have come up with two main strongholds:

I love food.

I hate exercise.

I turn to food for comfort. When I’ve had a bad day, there’s nothing I want more than to come home and have a treat. It’s also a creative outlet for me. Cooking is a relaxing activity. It’s safe territory. There have been so many good times shared around food. If you take that away, what do I turn to for comfort? Naps? That wouldn’t help towards exercise goal…

I don’t think I have to explain the hating exercise part. And people are all like “Well, it gives you endorphins and blah blah blah and actually boosts your mood”. You know what else boosts my mood? Snacks.

I know I need to change. I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t know that. I just don’t know how. I’m tired of trying fad diets and restricting my diet so severely. I’m tired of depriving myself of every sweet treat. I need to do something, but I don’t know what to do. I know, I know….exercise and eat right. So simple, yet so stinkin’ hard.

My dream? To live a healthy life, but to actually LIVE without constantly worrying about my health.

So, what’s my plan? I really don’t know. I’ve set a goal of losing at least 8 pounds this month and have set up some action steps to help me achieve that goal. I’ll check in next week to let you know how it went.


A Fat Girl



I'm just an ordinary girl, and ordinary wife, trying hard to live an extraordinary life.

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