Posted in Body Positivity, diet

I’m Alive!

Dear Diary,

Man! My last entry was kind of a bummer, right?! So, on a more positive note, I just want to remember all the wonderful things about my body.

First, and most obviously, I have to be thankful for the ability to simply live. I only have a short time to be on this earth (hopefully), so I’m thankful that I get to live. I’m thankful that I can run and jump and BREATHE.

I’m thankful for my strong legs that allow me to stand in front of a class and teach all day.

My arms, which are relatively strong for a girl, have been a life-saver in all of our moving adventures (and they’re pretty useful for giving and receiving hugs). What would I do without them?

I have eyes to see the wondrous beauty of this world, ears to hear the birds sing, and a nose that allows me to (literally) stop and smell the roses. Because of my vocal chords and lungs, I can sing and laugh.

Every part of me, down to my little pinky toe has been wonderfully made and I have so much to be thankful for.

So, I may not be able to do a lot of things (like run 5 miles, do the splits or do a pull-up), but I know I have the ability and the tools to keep striving towards those goals, and that’s more than some people can say.

Love, A Fat Girl

 

Posted in diet, Health, July 2017, Running, Weight Loss

Days 8 & 9: Making Progress

(To my readers: (Wow! It feels weird to say that!) I think from now on, I will continue to update this segment two days at a time, so as not to overwhelm with too many posts or be rather boring. 🙂 )

Day 8 was on Monday. I felt just ok about my run-not the best and not the worst. I’m totally scrapping the C25K plan for now and setting my own goals, instead. I feel like my own goals are slightly more realistic and manageable right now, and more than anything, I don’t want to become discouraged by not meeting goals.

I had a rest day on Tuesday. Sometimes I’m just not feelin’ it, I tell ya, and my hip was not feelin’ it on Tuesday. I don’t know what else to do about that-I’m taking fish oil and collagen supplements. I think the only thing that will help is seeing a chiropractor for an adjustment.

My body was feeling better tonight and ready to hit the gym, and I had a pretty successful run. I could really tell that progress is being made tonight. I ran at a faster pace at the beginning and then did intervals of fast running and walking for a total of twenty minutes plus a five minute warm up and cool down. I think my next run, I will try to focus on endurance, not speed, because I feel like that is my weaker weakness.

Onward and upward (and hopefully downward on the scale. 😉 )!

Posted in Body Positivity, diet, July 2017, Weight Loss

Will I Always be the Fat Kid?

All my life I’ve been the fat kid.

It didn’t help that I lived in France for a while where I towered above all of my classmates in elementary school. Nobody was shy about talking about my weight, not even the grown-ups. I remember one kid teasing me and asking me “How much do you way? 50 kilos???!?!” And I said “No….” (because I actually weighed more than that).

The doctor I went to in France wanted to put me on a diet. I was eleven. I remember him talking to me about the things I should and shouldn’t eat and all I could think was that I don’t make the meals in the house…I just eat whatever is set in front of me and whatever my family is eating.

In high school, I decided I’d had enough and started running every day and basically starving myself. I would skip breakfast, have an apple for lunch, have a small portion of whatever meal was prepared for dinner, and I avoided sweets. Towards the end of that school year, people started noticing changes in my body. But I wasn’t skinny enough to be called thin, even though I had lost a good amount of weight. So, still, I was the fat kid.

So I wonder…when/if I make it to my goal weight, will the doctors still classify me  as “obese” according to the BMI chart? Will people still call me “big-boned” or “curvy”? And most importantly, when I look in the mirror will I be able to see myself as I truly am? Or will I always be the fat kid?

Posted in Health, July 2017, Running, Weight Loss

Days 6 & 7; The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Cry

I didn’t write about my run yesterday because it was so bad and I was ashamed. I felt like a failure, poopy nugget, incapable of succeeding at anything and too discouraged to admit my shortcomings right then.

My run started out ok..I ran 8 minutes without stopping and then walked for about five, following the week 5 day 2. When I set out to run the second set of 8 min. I immediately felt burned out and couldn’t do it!

I had also been feeling pretty emotional all day, and there is just something about not being in a very good mindset that makes it so much harder to run. During the last 8 minutes of my walk/run, when I was struggling to find every last bit of energy in my body, I flashed back to when I was in high school and would go running almost every weekday with my dad.

We would agree on it the night before: “I’m going to the gym tomorrow, wanna come?” he’d ask. “Yeah! Just wake me up when it’s time to get ready”, I’d reply. And the next morning, he would come get me at 5:00 or so, I’d stagger into my workout clothes, and slowly wake up in the passenger seat on the way to the gym. We were sometimes the very first people there, walking in as soon as the doors opened and heading straight to “our” treadmills. And then we would run, side by side. We never really talked while we ran (we were too busy huffing and puffing) but it was nice to know we were there for each other.

And I missed that…so badly…and between that thought and all the negative thoughts about how poorly I was doing and how much I was failing, I began to sob on the treadmill. I mean, I was ugly crying. I left feeling sad and defeated.

Today, as I reflected on my run yesterday, I reminded myself that every day I go to the gym is something to be proud of. I didn’t know if I’d have time to go today, after working 8 hours, meeting a friend for coffee, having dinner when I got home, waiting for it to settle, etc…plus knowing I have an early morning tomorrow, as well.

I was really encouraged, though by my friend, who runs a lot and admitted to me her own mental blocks when it comes to running and shared a bit of her perspective with me. I felt so refreshed and motivated by our conversation, that I just had to go running tonight no matter what.

And I’m glad I did. I ran a mile without stopping! Granted, it was a really slow pace, but for me, it was an accomplishment. I pushed myself, having set a goal of running for ten minutes without stopping, I ended up running 12:30-something because I was so close to completing a mile that I couldn’t just stop at 10 minutes! So I’ve past my mental block-I know I can run a mile, at least without stopping, and am just gonna keep on working my way up to 1.25, 1.5, 1.75, 2…